blah blah blah fuck fuck fuck shit shit shit. this doesn’t matter. so just stop reading. do me a favor. so i don’t embarass myself. my grammar is dysfunctional. my diction lagging. take it all with you. leave it all behind. throw it all away. the rules are subject to change. you’re subject to change. put on the suit and tie. but only metaphorically. because suits are out and spikes are in. so put on your spikes and be one with the herd. the herd of sheople goes “BAAAAAAHHHHHHH” and they think they’re roaring as lions. individually, but not collectively. this is all bullshit and i’m feeling sassy. gotta put it out there cause i aint no bitch. a bitch says he’s the man. and the man says he’s a bitch. when someone says that and than says he’s a bitch, is he saying he’s the man which makes him a bitch because he knows the rules of the game? in kentucky, humility was a game of one-upmanship. it was not true humility. it was pride disguised as humility. it was a lie.
what else is ther to write about. california is really fucking boring right now. i failed my drivers test. it’s so beautiful out here. i think i’m going to start starving myself again. don’t take anything i say seriously. the best time in my life was when i was eating one meal a day and drinking way too much coffee. i was frail physically, but my mind was invincible. i went through the his and lows of life and loved them both equally. i was wholey as in i embraced my dark side as well as my good side. i don’t know if it’s because i was doing such long fasts that i felt a tightfisted control over my life or because not thinking about athletics (etcc. sealahbpoasfj) made me free for the first time in my ife.
tomorrow i’m going to practice and i’m going to hit a perfect d’arce choke. i love grappling more than anything. there’s nothing like it. i hate it too. i hate the desperation and being outclassed. i hate being dominated by people i know i can beat. i hate having a bad day and getting tapped by people who i could normally destroy. i love my cerebral approach to fighting and i hate it when i overthink. it makes me feel like a nerdy loser who can’t make it work. a delusional hélio gracie. the medium is too big and the small is too awkward
there’s no way to win. ramblings of a lunatic…don’t take anything i say seriously